My sister's relapse

I suspected that my sister had relapsed. She is an alcoholic and drug addict. I thought, after receiving some strange emails and a general pattern of selfishness that she was abusing pain medications because she had access to them due to some recent medical problems. I was shocked to learn that she was drinking, that she had declared herself not an alcoholic. That shock was nothing compared to my reaction to the following email:To my family:
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Well the news is out - yes, I have inbibed! And some of you are accusing me of being a liar and not aware of what I am doing with my own life.

I have learned to keep things to myself in this family for this very reason - reactions like this. Since January, I have undergone a wonderful, healing tranformation. I was given CD's about Codependency by June Hunt from Bethany. They literally changed my life and I bought the companion work book and began working on this issue. It was clear to me since I listened to her seminar on the issue that codependent relationships was my PRIMARY ADDICTION and that if I did not work on that there was no hope of recovery from my secondary addictions.

What are my secondary addictions? Bulimia and cocaine/crack. No, I am not an alcoholic. However, that does not mean that I did not abuse alcohol for a period of time in order to feed a crack addiction. I had to be drunk in order to loosen my moral compass enough to engage in all the activities of a crack addict which are pretty harendous.

After many discussions with my therapist, primary doctor, my current temporary sponsor, listening to a long series of AA tapes by a well known speaker in AA, prayer, an inventory of my prior drinkiing history prior to beging involved with the person that so lovingly introduced crack cocaine into my life, it is clear to me that I do not fit the description of an alcoholic.

Does this mean I am abandoning the 12 steps way of life? Of course not, I can't think of a better design for living. I will continue to go to AA (because I can't go to NA - the discussions bother me and I get a lot out AA), Alanon, and am searching for some 12 step codependency meetings. How much do I drink, you ask? Not much. Probably a lot less that what most people would call a social drinker. I guess when I want to and I don't have the desire that often. I don't have any stock in my house and never did in the past.

I have never been happier, healthier or this centered in my life. You are all welcome to have whatever opinion you want and treat me whatever way you want. Just keep your opinions to yourself. If you choose to treat me differently, I have no control over that.

This is the only thing I will say on the matter. I guess the only thing you can do is sit back and observe. The proof is always in the pudding. And by the way, if I want to stay up till 2:30 in the morning, I can. I am 42 and there are a million reasons besides drinking that I often stay up late. I have had chronic insomnia since I was 20 years old. I have been under a doctor's care for this condition for more than 15 years. I do not and will not answer stupid questions like that. You can assume all you want.

The end.

Love,
Megan

The depth of her self -deception and denial is staggering. This letter is frightening and hurtful. I have been in recovery long enough to know that no one can penetrate her denial. She is truly on her own. And once again, I am without a sister. She will progress to a cocaine relapse. She may have already, she was up still sending emails at 4am. I am so angry. I can't get past it. Everytime I think of it, I get angrier, thinking that I want her out of my life. She is too sick. I feel frightened of her because I know with absolute certainty where she will end up. And then I think 'what if I'm wrong?'. But thousands of AA stories, don't lie. It is unlikely that she has stumbled upon a cure for alcoholism. So what am I left with? I have not responded to the email. I am simply too angry. I have not responded to the stupid emails she sent last night, although I want to tell her to stop sending me links to useless information. The only decision I am comfortable with is to stop enabling her and to educate my family to do the same. No money, no housing. The only help someone should give her is a ride to detox. This is a pretty painful situation for me. She was on a track of genuine recovery. I had hope that I would have a sister again.